Why Is It Hard For Gay Men to Find LOVE?

I would love you even If you didn’t exist. This fantasy is the thought many single guys nurture in their minds. 

Those who are desperately seeking ‘’the perfect guy’’ often make him up. They create a concept of the ideal partner, so no wonder it becomes impossible for them to find him in reality. Still, they miss their future boyfriend like someone is paying them for it.

I had a conversation with a 21-year-old gay guy from South East Asia who finds it difficult to find love. 

Dan Trepanier

Mentor Coach , Why Is It Hard For Gay Men to Find LOVE?

A COACHING Conversation With Ryan 

I had an exciting conversation with Ryan, a young man living in South East Asia.

“When I was 21, in my prime and looking magnificently hot, going to bars and indulging myself in casual encounters was routine. 

Opportunities to connect were boundless. 

Flash forward to 2020, and many of my generation wonder; Is this as good as it gets?

Many good-looking, not to mention younger guys crowd the place my friends and I once reigned supreme. For many of us, going home at the end of the evening brings a sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction. — it’s just me, myself and I. Where’s my hug, cuddle and kiss goodnight”.

Stop Looking For The Perfect Man 

  • Many of us want a sexy, stable sizzling hot partner that can fulfil every need.
  • The more you dream of “that” perfect guy, the more likely you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
  • No one is perfect, not you, him, or even your fantasies, so get over it, manage your expectations and adjust your approach!

Get perspective

Grindr, GROWLr, or Scruff apps may give you a quick hit of gratification but don’t expect love to come from an app’s swipe. 

We’re all looking for some form of significance, connection or belonging, but a little context goes a long way.

Read What Purpose Do Gay Sex Dating Apps Play?

Has anything changed today? WHY IS IT HARD FOR ME TO FIND LOVE?

Finding love is a quest we all seek. Even if you look good and feel sexy, finding love isn’t as straight forward as plucking a guy from your favourite sexting app.

Our discussion turns to the age-old question. Why is it that love won’t come my way as quickly as it appears to for others? 

Some days I look in the mirror and can’t help but wonder if there is something else I could do to improve my appearance or approach to life. Although love is skin deep, let us not forget that physical appearances make a big difference in getting you to foot in the door — sadly!

Tips and tricks to find the right guy will give you some satisfaction, but at the end of the day, it’s all about your main goal in life and how you define success for yourself. It’s about doing what matters to live and work on your terms.”

Is it possible that Ryan has this image of how life SHOULD BE, and when expectations are not met, he gets a bit disappointed?

…. I am just envious when I see someone living happily with his boyfriend. If I find the right guy, I will be ready to commit and surrender myself. Dating is my topmost priority — I have to find a man!

I asked Ryan if his happiness has to be conditional upon finding that ideal partner? After all, I know a ton of blissfully single people.

Ryan’s life as a young gay man presents the types of challenges many of us face. Someone once said … ‘if you keep doing what you do then you will keep getting what you’ve got.’

Can you relate to why many LGBTQ people believe its a challenge to find true love? 

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