SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.

Dan Trepanier

Mentor Coach, Are You Addicted To That Feeling of 'Being In Love'?

Are You Addicted To That Feeling of ‘Being In Love’?

Most of us know that the fantastic initial intense feeling of a new love can’t last forever.

Love addicts are desperate for that feeling of being in love. It’s their fundamental preoccupation. They’re always looking for someone they believe will “make them complete.” 

They hope and crave love. When they find it, they are paranoid; they might lose it.

Love addiction forces you to do a lot of (auto) destructive things. Some say it’s one of the most common causes of cheating (a point I find debatable — but I digress). 

The other day someone told me he cheats because; I want to prevent the pain of being alone. I hate my boyfriend for making me addicted to him.”

The whole topic of love addiction is a rather complicated one. 

I am not professing to be a therapist, but I know a thing or two about love, so take what you want from what I say.

Then there’s the perspective that the love addict wants to control their partner — control without even being aware of it.

Control has various manifestations — possessiveness, stalking, censorship. It is hard to end a co-dependent love addicted relationship.

It is easier for some people to accept losing a good relationship than to recover from a bad one. “I am afraid to be happy without you,” — he said.

Imagine a possessive person in a relationship with someone who needs to go on a business trip. — You finish that story.

Dependent individuals have a hard time hanging onto emotional intimacy. To them, a because physical presence is essential. — ‘don’t leave me,’ – he said.

Romantic movies, books and love songs perpetuate the notion of love addiction. These ideological outlets provoke addiction. Do authors sublime their emotional instability, or do they recognize this problem and try to articulate it?

Love addicts can nurture their fantasies by merely listening to Adele’s songs. They think extreme symbiosis is the normal phenomenon everyone should strive for.

A relationship between two people in which each person is dependent upon and receives reinforcement, whether beneficial or detrimental, from the other. — Extreme Symbiosis

  • Love Addicts hope that they will have their happy ending with someone who will never hurt them one day.
  • Melodrama, agony, pain and desires are what keeps an addict in a dependent relationship.

When a relationship is at the point when everything is stable, the love addict feels there is no passion. That ‘It’s boring or the game is over.’

Most love addicts repeat the dysfunctional pattern of searching for new exciting relationships.

Some of them stay in unhappy relationships. Can’t live with you, can’t live without you. The truth is — they can’t live with themselves.

Some people don’t notice when they are in a co-dependent, unhealthy relationship. Many recognize it but don’t have the guts to admit it — better a lousy relationship than no relationship at all.

Why would someone decide to be in a suffocating relationship rather than to be alone? Could it be that they don’t feel complete without the other because they use their partner to prolong themselves?

There are some visible signs of love addiction. For example, — you forgive too much too soon. Not being able to forgive but staying in a relationship leads to nagging, torture and hate. Lingo also helps us detect emotional weakness.

I am lost without you — nobody’s perfect but my partner. I am afraid to be happy without you.

Love addiction is as bad as other types of addictions.

Let’s compare it to drug addiction. Someone addicted to recreational substances usually doesn’t feel emotionally stable. They don’t have self-regulatory functions and need to consume something to feel whole. 

Drug addicts depend on external factors. When addicted to love, your partner becomes a drug, and that’s dangerous. For a co-dependent personality, a breakup means distress of their identity and integrity. Addicts use manipulation and harmful behaviours to avoid separation.

If only our relationships were developing backwards.

  • Two people having terrible fights get to know each other less and less until they fall in love.
  • If your relationships come to an end, and you cannot let go reasonably, this may be a sign of love addiction. Loss is an unacceptable concept for the addict.

A balanced self-determined person experiences break pain no longer than six weeks. An emotionally unstable and dependent person can suffer for years. Hoping their ex is going to come back. 

While the desire to love and be loved is healthy, the intoxicating feeling of being “in love” can be addictive for some individuals. — Love Addiction Treatment

How to treat love addiction (oversimplified)

Building emotional stability and learning how to maintain healthy love is what’s going to break the cycle. Some people have an epiphany, while others might need lots of psychotherapy. 

With the support of friends and family, the love addict is going through some emotional experience correction.